I am a woman redefining my life, redesigning my family, reevaluating my health and reawakening my spirit.

Finally.  Yet again.

While the excitement bubbles under the surface of that single line, the very sentiment also seems a bit daunting.  It insinuates all of the power that awaits expression with the underbelly of potential disappointment if nothing indeed changes.  Oh well.  I’ll let both be true, but choose to focus my attentions on the joyful anticipation of renewed energy.  I really can’t wait to get back to a routine of working out, moving and being alone.  Just me, my body and my intentions.   And my music – loud and rhythmic, without lyrics geared towards the 1-5 year old crowd.

As my separation extends towards the one year mark, the list of not so healthy changes has been screaming at me.  What was at first marked by freedom and relief, has become blurred and buried under the veil of exhaustion.  Adrenaline and cortisol have taken the place of endorphins and serotonin, junk food and caffeine have replaced fruit, veggies and water, sleeplessness has replaced the happy exhaustion that follows a day well lived and a work-out deeply enjoyed, weight gain has replaced the effortless weight loss that comes with a passionate relationship to my club membership.  My to-do list hasn’t included “rest, self-care, eating well, writing, exercise and alone time” in quite some time.  But that’s all about to change. Hip hip hooray.

Now is the time to remember what my body, my core and my heart really want.  It’s time to remember what’s possible as I return to center, my children in tow.

-Carol

Advertisements