Today I got back up on the horse, if by horse you mean treadmill.  Due to a chaotic September followed by a sprained ankle, it has been far too long since I did any running.  I might be fighting against biology (let’s just say if anyone ever makes a sports bra out of titanium, I’ll be the first in line to buy it) and suppressing my knee-jerk loathing I have for running – but I’m determined to one day be a runner.  I’m not sure why I’m so obsessed with becoming good (actually, I’d settle for competent)  at something I hate – but I suspect that this fact says chilling things about my inner psyche (hence the title of this post).

I live next to the Arboretum and I get so jealous when I see people jogging there, especially this time of year when they get to jog under the radiant fall foliage and wrap themselves up snuggly against the growing autumnal chill.  I’m like the loser kid trying to hang out with the cool kids at the back of the bus whenever I try jogging (which involves a lot of walking when I’m doing it) in the Arboretum – it is very obvious that I don’t belong.  And while I have always proudly embraced my misfit status, for once I *really* want to belong with this crowd.

For one thing, I love the portability and the ease of jogging.  You can pretty much do it anywhere (especially outside!) and you really don’t need to haul a bunch of heavy stuff around in order to do it (unless someone comes through on the titanium bra front).  I do a fair amount of traveling and I would love it if instead of worrying about the hotel gym I could just go for a run.  And when I do actually run, I love how it completely clears my mind of any daily stress – my mind actually has to get rid of those thoughts because it is too busy pointing out the fact that I suck at running and that I might die soon.

So despite the fact that all signs point to me not being a runner, I’m going to keep trying.  I did a 5K in the summer (with some walking it must be said) and really enjoyed it.  I would have enjoyed it even more if I had been able to run the whole race, so I’ve already got my eyes on next year.  After two months of not running, it kind of felt like starting from scratch today, but I’m going to keep trying.  I made a new “run” mix on my iPod with tunes to inspire me and I keep daydreaming about rolling out of bed and being able to go for a long run in the Arboretum (yes, I realize that is an odd dream).  When I was browsing in a bookstore last week, I came across a book called “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running”.  It is by an author I love (Haruki Murakami) and he started running when he started writing novels to help balance the sedentary lifestyle required by lots of writing.  Now he has compiled his thoughts on running and I think that reading it my help keep me inspired (note to Santa – gift idea).  I should probably admit that I am a total nerd AND I have a masters in library science – so I tend to ascribe books with actual magical powers.

Anyway, these are all thoughts on ways that I hope to keep myself motivated with my challenge.  I did better today that I thought I would (once again, low expectations are my friends!).  And I felt great afterwards.  So I’m just going to keep trying…and maybe investigate my idea about titanium sports bras.

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